Feeding a fussy eater can be challenging, but when your child has Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) characteristics, traditional feeding strategies often fall flat. Pathological Demand Avoidance is a profile of autism where children experience extreme anxiety around demands, including mealtimes. They may react negatively to pressure, struggle with authority, and find routine expectations overwhelming.
If your child resists eating due to Pathological Demand Avoidance related challenges, the key is to reframe how you approach mealtimes and food interactions. Here are ten strategies that can help:
1. Strewing: Make Food Opportunities Available, Not Mandatory
Instead of directly asking your child to eat or try new foods, simply leave engaging food activities within their reach. This could mean setting out a tray of sliced fruits on the coffee table, leaving an open cookbook with pictures of delicious meals, or placing a bowl of popcorn in the living room. The idea is to allow your child to approach food on their terms.
2. Change the Mealtime Location
If the dinner table has become a battleground, move away from it. Consider eating on a picnic blanket in the backyard, setting up a fort with snacks inside, or even having dinner in a different room. A fresh environment can help break negative associations and reduce stress around mealtimes.
3. Use Humour to Make Food Playful
Humour is a great way to reduce pressure and invite engagement. You might squash a banana and make a fart noise, “accidentally” get food all over your face, or pretend that a piece of broccoli is talking to you. When children see food interactions as fun rather than a demand, they’re more likely to engage.
4. Do Fun Cooking Activities in Their Presence
Rather than asking your child to cook with you, simply start cooking or playing with food yourself. Whether it’s making silly-shaped pancakes or decorating cupcakes, do it in their view without inviting them to join. This relaxed approach can spark curiosity and encourage them to participate on their own terms.
5. Adapt Family-Style Serving to Reduce Pressure
Family-style serving—where all the food is placed in the centre of the table—can be beneficial. However, instead of expecting them to serve themselves, think of it as another strewing opportunity. Your child can observe and choose to interact with the food without direct pressure to put anything on their plate.
6. Use Declarative Language Instead of Direct Commands
Instead of saying, “Take a bite of your sausage,” try making an observation like, “I see you have a sausage on your plate.” This type of language removes the demand, allowing the child to process the statement without feeling pressured to respond or act.
7. Reverse Roles: Let Them Feed You
Children with Pathological Demand Avoidance often struggle with being told what to do but enjoy being in control. You can playfully pretend to be the baby while your child acts as the parent. Let them decide what food you eat and how you eat it—it’s a great way to remove pressure while still engaging with food.
8. Get Below Their Eye Level While Eating
Sitting below your child’s eye level can make them feel more in control and reduce feelings of pressure. Combine this with changing locations—you might find yourself having a picnic outside, with your child sitting in a camp chair while you sit on the ground. Creating a relaxed, non-threatening environment can ease anxiety around eating.
9. Reduce Mealtime Chatter and Use Non-Verbal Communication
Sometimes, too much conversation can create pressure. If your child prefers a quieter eating experience, try limiting mealtime chatter. Instead, use body language—exaggerated chewing, big smiles for big flavours, or even a subtle thumbs-up—to communicate enjoyment without words.
10. Don’t Give Up—Reframe and Learn
Having a child with PDA characteristics doesn’t mean all hope is lost when it comes to mealtimes. It requires a shift in thinking, a change in language, and an openness to new strategies. Learning about Pathological Demand avoidance and adjusting your expectations can make a world of difference.
Final Thoughts on Pathological Demand Avoidance and feeding
Children with Pathological Demand avoidance need a flexible, low-pressure approach to eating. By embracing humour, shifting environments, using indirect communication, and letting them take control in subtle ways, you can make mealtimes more enjoyable for everyone. Small changes in strategy can lead to big improvements over time. Stay patient, be creative, and most importantly—keep adapting to what works best for your child.
We still use The Fuss No More method for children with a Pathological Demand Avoidance profile. with the above considerations. We can also use nutritional strategies to improve nervous system regulation, creating a truely holistic approach. If you have NDIS funding, you may well be able to use this. Please contact us for a NDIS service agreement, or book a Discovery Call for the Fuss No More method.
